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Floor Speech
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Ms. ERNST. Mr. President, legend has it that all the halls of the Capitol are haunted by a demon cat. If you look closely, paw prints left behind by this stray spirit can be spotted outside the entrance of the Old Supreme Court Chamber.
From poltergeists to apparitions of Abraham Lincoln and other dead Presidents, Washington has a long history of ghost stories.
The city itself was transformed into a ghost town when government workers disappeared from their desks as a result of President Biden's lax telework policies. For years, most Agency headquarters were left with just a skeleton crew.
Even after the bureaucrats were called back to work by President Trump, before being furloughed by the government shutdown, the buildings remained largely empty. Thousands of other government buildings are completely vacant. Thousands are uninhabited by a single soul in Washington, DC.
Deserted and left in a state of disrepair for years, many properties have been condemned to a fate worse than death. One was described as a ``roach-infested mold dungeon.'' Bugs were spotted crawling out of faucets and creeping across the floors of another. While some have been described as cold, gray eyesores, others are literally deathtraps. The drinking water in many sat stagnant for so long that it turned into a deadly potion of toxic metals and biohazards.
Renovations and upgrades to make the horrifying offices habitable again would cost the taxpayers--and prepare, unfortunately, for a jump scare--$370 billion. Yes, folks, that is billion with a ``b.''
I just don't know what possesses Washington to hold on to decaying properties.
Meanwhile, around the country, other old haunts are returning from beyond the grave. But there is no reason to fear this zombie apocalypse. It is that time of year when boarded-up businesses come back to life as Spirit Halloween stores. It is almost spooky how fast these Halloween stores pop up, transforming the remains of abandoned buildings into a billion-dollar business. Spirit Halloween's successful body-snatching business model scares up a great idea for reviving the government's graveyard of lifeless real estate.
Let's sell off these haunted houses to businesses that can breathe new life into them. That trick would be a real treat for the taxpayers because it would both reduce costs and bring in billions of dollars from monstrous sales. It is an idea only a zombie wouldn't like since it is such a no-brainer.
My DISPOSAL Act would fast-track the sale of unused, unneeded, and underutilized government properties. Congress should embrace the Halloween spirit by passing this bill and let the unfurling of Spirit Halloween banners begin.
Many of the properties that would be put on the market by my bill are in prime locations, so potential buyers should be prepared to act quickly before these once-in-a-lifetime sales vanish like a ghost.
The real monster this bill is designed to slay, however, is one that has been lurking around Washington for way too long: our national debt, which now exceeds $38 trillion. That amount should scare us all into taking action.
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